Whether we recognize it or not, all of us are participants in life's negotiation process. And, at least to some degree, our success depends on how good we become at bargaining for what we want.
According to my Webster's dictionary, negotiate means "to bargain or discuss with a view to reaching an agreement." The results of any negotiation are most desirable and successful when both sides get what they want - a "win-win" negotiation.
Your goal in negotiating should be to find win-win positions whenever possible. However, in the real world it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes only one side gets what they want - a "win-lose" deal. Rarely, neither party gets what they desire. That, of course, is a "lose-lose" situation.
Unfortunately, becoming a great negotiator isn't as easy as reading this column or even a good book on the subject. You develop negotiation skills in the same way you build other skills. First, you must understand the rules and have a working knowledge of the process. Second, you must practice to improve. The following tips and suggestions will help you get started.

Negotiation tips

• Understand that virtually everything is negotiable. The first step in becoming a better negotiator is to look for opportunities to improve your business position by negotiating. Then start practicing. You can ask, offer, counter offer and suggest alternatives.
• The next step is to do your homework. In negotiating, knowledge is power. When you know a lot about the deal, and understand the other side's position thoroughly, you are more likely to get exactly what you want.
• Next, remember to aim high. It's not likely you'll ever be given more than you ask for. So start high and come back down if you have to. You also need to know where to stop. Establish a final position where you go no lower, or make no more concessions. This is the point at which you walk away.
• Be prepared to walk away. When you know your final position and are willing to walk away without a deal, you're in a strong position. Sometimes you lose the deal, but in the long term you're a winner. Frequently, the other side will give some ground when they see you're serious about walking away or saying no to a bad deal.
• Keep your cards close to your vest. Never let the other side know how important a deal is to you. If you're buying a house and you let the owner know "this is the perfect house," be prepared to pay full price or expect very little downward negotiation.
• Smile and say no until your tongue bleeds. This is a great line from Harvey MacKay's book Swim With the Sharks. There are two important points. First, smile and be courteous when you negotiate. Developing an adversarial attitude will weaken your position. Second, learn to say no and mean it. If a position or request is unacceptable to you, say no and keep on saying it. Be polite, but firm.
• Show the value of what you're proposing to the other side. If your offer is a win-win offer, point out the benefits and advantages in the negotiation process. The other folks may already be aware of the benefits, but you can't be sure. So show them how they benefit.

In summary, the best negotiators find out what the other side wants or needs and then finds a way to help them achieve it, while at the same time furthering their best interests and accomplishing their own goals. You can often get exactly what you want by helping others get what they want.